I'm alive but sad.

Goodbye Mr. Vonnegut.

Tuesday I sprained my ankle. Bad.

My grampa's back in the hospital (trouble breathing - that's all I know). And this morning my father-in-law left work and drove himself to the hospital - look's like he's had a heart attack.

I start work on Tuesday, teaching at a community college. I only get paid twice a semester! 

Our sweet beloved little Gracie passed away on Saturday June 29. It was
unexpected - we thought it was just another routine illness. But she was gone within 24 hours. She spent the night before she died under my bed and purred everytime I woke up and talked to her.


I loved her so much.

This was taken just days before she died.

At the same time, my grampa was admitted to the hospital and had to have quadruple bypass surgery. Things have been terrible.

My mom has this on the wall for some reason. I added the "and smites you." and the thundercloud.

Things I'm not interested in:
1. Home improvement
2. Civil war re-enactments
3. Family reunions

Things I'm interested in:
1. Cats

So yeah, I just got back to WV from Va, where from I escaped from a humongous home-improvement project. The in-laws decided to turn the downstairs into a bedroom/living space for us. So much work and I could care less. It has become a blue prison. Future plans involve attending civil war re-enactments and a family reunion (not even my own family!). I'm not excited. But I never am anymore.

I guess I'll be teaching in the fall at a community college in Va. What do I do with my cats? Gracie is still periodically sick so I can't move her. Nobody seems to understand the tremendous immune-damaging stress moving her would entail. But do I take the other cats and leave her here?

Also, husband is still trying to start coffee shop. They're in the process of buying a building. I'm not excited about that either.

God I am so glad to be home.

It's just a plant!

Is it World War III yet?

Living under the deck.

Lately I've been wondering if my mother-in-law has cursed me in some way, because almost everytime she mentions an ailment, I seem to become afflicted within 24 hours. It's suspicious.



The in-laws are out of town. Ma-in-law told me that we should invite out friends over, have an orgy, do whatever it is we do. GRODY. Unfortunately, although this would be an excellent opportunity to couple furiously, I'm not in the mood. My perversity pushes me to strike when the iron's cold.



Been hiking. Sunday we were trucking along through the Shenandoahs when we came up on a pair of cubs. TROUBLE! Didn't stick around to see the enraged momma - We turned around and took off the other way, eventually coming up on a sizeable rattlesnake by the trail. It rattled at us. I think rattlesnakes belong in Arizona.



I've gotten interested in fungus. We've taken over 200 crappy pictures of mushrooms and slime in the last few days. ONe of my favorite stories involves mushrooms. My pal Brandon had some friends over and they drank too much and one vomitted in the basement. It wasn't cleaned up and in a week or two the vomit was rediscovered. It had mushrooms growing out of it. Brandon's got great stories.



Also, my grampa's sister died. She collapsed at her grandson's wedding and died the next day in the hospital. I don't know the details, like if she collapsed before or after the vows or if the wedding continued if it was before the vows.

Okay, so the other night I was asking my brother what he would write his congressperson about if he had to write a letter. After much pressing, he finally said he would write and ask the congressperson to poop in George Bush's mouth for him, which was had-to-be-there hilarious.
The next day, he kept talking about it to my mother and she told him to stop talking about chilidog. ????? Neither my brother or I knew what the hell she was talking about. So my brother asked her and she said chilidog was when someone pooped on someone else's chest and then put their penis in it. !!!!!! This is coming from the woman who not too long ago asked me what fellatio was, who thinks KY jelly is an edible fruit spread made in Kentucky. She explained that this was something she learned from one of her investigations. Moreover, she is gonna have to go before the board of education and talk about it! Unfortunately, it will be a closed meeting so we can't go and videotape her.

Make your chilidogs extra special.

I'm really proud of my new robot earrings. Maybe proud isn't the right word, since I didn't make them or anything. They delight me and remind me of my friend Joe.


ADMIRE THEM!

If you haven't seen this, then go see it. My in-laws also have a cat named Jack:




and a bear in the backyard:



The film version follows (click on the white square thing). What you hear is mostly my father-in-law. My husband is the one saying fruit and berries and uh-oh. The bird feeders are rigged up on tree branches with ropes and that's why the bear is pulling on them.